Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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