New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
