remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
