I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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