Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
