Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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