i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
