I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
