guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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