If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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