i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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