She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
