so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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