my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
