I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
