i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
