i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
