you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
