she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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