The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You need a sexual gate keeper
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
