There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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