My nipple is on Facebook.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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