I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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