Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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