one two three fourrrrnication!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
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Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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