dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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