i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
