just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
