i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize