Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
