Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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