So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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