Im at strip club and am horny
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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