We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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