No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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