are you so shy because you have an std?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
