What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
