saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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