All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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