A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My pussy is not your playground.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
