VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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