I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
