Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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