I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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