Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My penis needs a shock collar
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
