I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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