you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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