i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
