Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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