Already got asked if we're dating
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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