how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
