I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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