You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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