My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
