i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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