i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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