Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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