at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You ruined the universe
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
