I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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