singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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