I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
