I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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