I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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